I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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