Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
