I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
