I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
