I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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