her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
