I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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