I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
