and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My pussy is not your playground.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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