My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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