Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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