If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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