I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
