Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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