remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
