sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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