I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I AM VODKA MAN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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