The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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