never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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