I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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