I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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