yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
