I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
