I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
