Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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