i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
