i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
