I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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