just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
