hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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