Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
