if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
