You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize