Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
