she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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