Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
