I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
