PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
