when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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