The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize