I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
