I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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