there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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