U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize