Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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