her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
