this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
