It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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