Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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