I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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