i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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