I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
