you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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