Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
