break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A bitchslap is in order.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
