And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
