I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
