If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
send nudes
from the living room?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
