I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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