New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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