It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
