At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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