just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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