i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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Someone shattered a urinal.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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