I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
this hospital has no fireball
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
