Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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