Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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