Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
